The weekly sports page of record · Price: one waiver claim
You Don’t Know Ball
Gameweek 7Monday, 19 October 2026IYSSYS 6.0 · No. 7
This edition was corrected on October 22 at 12:59 PM ET: it was updated for an official Fantrax score correction. The corrections are listed at the foot of the page.
THE 9.93% REVOLT
WIRTZCOLA OVERTHROWS SLIMEY
𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚 won 129–92 behind Wirtz and Boscagli, turning the week’s longest odds into a second straight victory.
By Humphrey Cripwell
Wirtz delivered 25 fantasy points as 𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚 completed the week’s largest upset.BBC Sport
𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚 beat Slimey FC 129–92 in the week’s defining upset. Slimey FC entered with a 90.07% win probability, then watched Wirtz score 25, Boscagli add 21.25 and Manzambi supply another 18.5. A matchup expected to lean heavily toward the home side instead became a 37-point correction.
The performance was broad enough to survive Wissa’s 2.5. Seven 𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚 starters reached double figures, with Verbruggen contributing 10.25 and the front line adding 18 between Thiago and Mbaye. The total was the second-highest of the week and carried 𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚 to a second consecutive victory.
Slimey FC received an excellent 24.5 from Iwobi and 20.5 from Ayari, but Donnarumma scored -1.75 and Ndoye finished at -0.5. The side also left 14.25 points in reserve. None of those details alone explains a 37-point defeat; together they form a fairly complete administrative record of one.
The Market
▲ Stock Up
𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚. A second straight win arrived as a 129–92 upset from only a 9.93% pre-match chance. The recovery now has evidence rather than merely hopeful paperwork.
Neto. Neto scored 34 points, the week’s highest individual total, and drove Hound Boys FC 🐶 to a third consecutive victory.
Saca Cojones. The week’s highest team score, eight double-figure starters and a 46.5-point win were a comprehensive answer to a 2–4 start.
▼ Stock Down
Crème Internazionale C.F.. The season’s new low score is 54.25. Martinez scored 19.25 and Marmoush added 15, leaving very little evidence elsewhere.
Snake. Five consecutive defeats have followed the opening 2–0 start. Even a 33.25-point defender could not keep this week’s margin below 46.5.
The Transaction Wire
Martinez · CLAIM · Crème Internazionale C.F. — Crème Internazionale C.F. claimed Martinez on October 10 and immediately received 19.25 points. The rest of the lineup made the acquisition look less celebratory than it deserved.
Ayari · CLAIM · Slimey FC — Slimey FC claimed Ayari on October 18 and started him for 20.5 points. It was excellent work attached to an otherwise uncooperative result.
Hato · CLAIM · The Lion King — Hato produced 17.25 after The Lion King’s October 17 claim. The immediate return was substantial even though the matchup ended in defeat.
Castagne · CLAIM · Saca Cojones — Castagne scored 13.5 following Saca Cojones’s October 16 claim, adding another double-figure starter to the week’s best lineup.
Verbruggen · CLAIM · 𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚 — Verbruggen returned 10.25 after joining 𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚, a useful contribution in a lineup where nearly every useful contribution arrived at once.
Anthony · CLAIM · WhiteCastle United — WhiteCastle United claimed Anthony after Crème Internazionale C.F. dropped him. His three points offer no immediate verdict beyond the transaction having occurred.
Around the League
RIVALRY DESK
NETO BREAKS THE DEADLOCK
Hound Boys FC 🐶 won 114.25–100.5 and took the lead in a series that began the week tied.
By Terence Kettlethorpe
Neto’s 34 points separated Hound Boys FC 🐶 from The Lion King.· BBC Sport
The all-time series stood at 10–10 across 20 meetings before Hound Boys FC 🐶 claimed the casting vote. Neto’s 34-point performance was the match’s defining contribution, supported by Munoz on 17.5 and Lewis-Potter on 16.
The Lion King reached 100.5 through useful depth: Muharemović scored 16.25, Suzuki 16.75 and Hato 17.25. The trouble was concentrated rather than universal, with Janelt at -2.5 and Branthwaite at -0.75. Hound Boys FC 🐶 have now won three straight and sit 5–2, which is a persuasive way to resolve a historical tie.
FORWARD PLANNING
EVANILSON ENDS THE ARGUMENT
Declan Rice FC’s forwards scored 52 points in a controlled 107.25–95.5 victory.
By Lucian Pinkerton
Evanilson scored 26 fantasy points to lead Declan Rice FC past WhiteCastle United.· The Guardian
Declan Rice FC did not require much subtlety. Evanilson scored 26, Calvert-Lewin added 17.5 and Barry supplied 8.5, giving the forward line 52 points and enough authority to withstand zero from Ampadu and four apiece from B.Fernandes and McGinn.
WhiteCastle United found 24 from Kostoulas and 12.5 from Charles, but only two starters reached double figures. The defeat was the club’s third straight, while Declan Rice FC improved to 5–2 and remains second in the weekly ranking. WhiteCastle United left 14.75 points in reserve, though even perfect selection would have added only 9.25.
NO PLACE TO HIDE
SACA TURNS THE TABLE OVER
Eight double-figure starters powered Saca Cojones to 137.25, the highest total of Gameweek 7.
By Trent Crimm
Saca Cojones produced the week’s fullest team performance. Haaland scored 28.5, Foden 19, De Cuyper 16.5 and Tielemans 15.5, while Castagne and King also crossed 10. The result was 137.25 points and a 46.5-point win, achieved with only one point from Kinsky.
Snake had the matchup’s highest individual scorer in Vuskovic, whose 33.25 deserved better surroundings. Raya added 15 and Konsa 11.25, but Gudmundsson scored -3 and three starting midfielders returned zero. Five consecutive defeats now form the relevant context. One defender cannot operate an entire rescue service.
THE CHAMPION’S ROUTINE
CRÈME HITS THE FLOOR
7-1 FC won 101.75–54.25 as Crème Internazionale C.F. registered the season’s lowest score.
By Sebastian Mudge
Tavernier scored 19 points as 7-1 FC moved to 6–1.· Sky Sports
7-1 FC needed no spectacle to improve to 6–1. Tavernier scored 19, Gabriel 17.5 and Gomez 14.5, while the defending champion assembled 101.75 despite modest returns from both forwards and Trafford. It was an ordinary victory by the leader’s standards, which is not especially comforting to the rest of the league.
The real story was Crème Internazionale C.F.’s 54.25, below the previous season low of 57. Martinez contributed 19.25 and Marmoush 15, leaving only 21 points from the other nine starters. Cunha and Yeremy scored zero, while Khalaili finished at -3.5. The goalkeeper and one forward filed nearly the entire return.
The Muckraker investigates
THE CRÈME RESULTS SUBSIDY
Giancarlo Perez sits 5 places higher for results than for points scored.
The desk suspects a quiet results subsidy is carrying Crème Internazionale C.F. above the level its scoring warrants. After 7 gameweeks, Giancarlo Perez ranks 9 for points scored and 4 for results, a gap of 5 places that caused the desk to open the file.
The current gap departs sharply from Perez's own record: across 9 seasons, his results rank has run only 0.7 places ahead of his points rank on average. Across 8 other manager-seasons, a side ranked 9 for points after 7 gameweeks has ranked 7.5 for results on average; Perez ranks 4. Ordinary fluctuation has been asked to wait outside.
A gap this wide arises about once in 120 times, or 0.84%, among gaps recorded at the same stage of a season. Of 92 manager-seasons measured after 7 gameweeks, only 4 produced a gap of 5 places or more, representing 4.3%. The desk has considered coincidence and set it aside.
Crème Internazionale C.F. benefits directly from the 5-place separation, while Perez remains in a position to know how a side ranked 9 for scoring has acquired a results rank of 4. Neither manager nor club has explained why the advantage has expanded so far beyond Perez's 0.7-place historical average, and the file remains open. No improper arrangement has been substantiated.
Giancarlo Perez did not respond to a request for comment that the desk did not send.
The Notebook
The Lion King have scored 728.5 points, second-most in the league, yet sit 3–4 after conceding a league-high 775.25. The schedule remains an active participant.
Slimey FC have conceded 770.5 points through seven weeks, second only to The Lion King. Their two victories have required unusually specific weather conditions.
Crème Internazionale C.F. left 17.5 points in reserve. That was not enough to explain a 47.5-point defeat, but it did improve the documentation.
𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚 left 16.5 points in reserve while still scoring 129. The lineup was imperfect in the luxurious manner available only to comfortable winners.
7-1 FC lead the league with 851.5 points for, 123.5 clear of the next-highest total. The reigning champion has declined to make the title defence subtle.
WhiteCastle United’s 722 points rank third in the league, but three consecutive defeats have pulled the record below .500. Timing remains undefeated.
Declan Rice FC have allowed only 600 points, the second-lowest total in the league, and have converted that protection into a 5–2 record.
The League Table
Rank
Team
Rec
W
D
L
Form
GB
PF
PA
1
7-1 FC —
6-0-1
6
0
1
WWWLW
—
851.5
626.5
2
Declan Rice FC —
5-0-2
5
0
2
LWWLW
—
698.25
600
3
Hound Boys FC 🐶 —
5-0-2
5
0
2
WLWWW
—
677.5
622.75
4
Crème Internazionale C.F. —
4-0-3
4
0
3
LWWWL
—
591
593.75
5
The Lion King —
3-0-4
3
0
4
WLWWL
1
728.5
775.25
6
WhiteCastle United —
3-0-4
3
0
4
WWLLL
1
722
712
7
Saca Cojones ▲1
3-0-4
3
0
4
WLLLW
1
687
643.25
8
Snake ▼1
2-0-5
2
0
5
LLLLL
2
691
711
9
Slimey FC —
2-0-5
2
0
5
LWLWL
2
594.75
770.5
10
𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚 —
2-0-5
2
0
5
LLLWW
2
589.75
776.25
The Playoff Race
7-1 FC
▲
1/6(85%)
Declan Rice FC
▲
5/6(55%)
Hound Boys FC 🐶
▲
EVS(51%)
The Lion King
▼
11/8(43%)
WhiteCastle United
▼
11/8(42%)
Saca Cojones
▲
7/4(36%)
Snake
▼
5/2(29%)
Crème Internazionale C.F.
▼
5/2(28%)
Slimey FC
▼
11/2(16%)
𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚
▲
11/2(15%)
Odds from 100,000 simulations of the remaining 29 weeks; each simulation sends exactly four sides to the playoffs, so the board adds to 400%.
History, not part of the odds: sides standing 6-0-1 at this stage went on to make the top four in 0 of 1 cases; sides standing 5-0-2 at this stage went on to make the top four in 11 of 15 cases; sides standing 4-0-3 at this stage went on to make the top four in 4 of 15 cases; sides standing 3-0-4 at this stage went on to make the top four in 5 of 12 cases.
Futures courtesy of the desk bookmaker
The Honours Board
Performance of the Week
Neto
Neto scored 34 points, the largest individual return of Gameweek 7, in Hound Boys FC 🐶’s 114.25–100.5 win.
Upset of the Week
𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚
𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚 turned a 9.93% win probability into a 37-point victory over Slimey FC.
Collapse of the Week
Crème Internazionale C.F.
Crème Internazionale C.F. scored 54.25, the lowest total by any team this season.
Resistance of the Week
Vuskovic
Vuskovic scored 33.25 in a 46.5-point defeat, a distinguished effort in a largely abandoned position.
Next Week in Football
Gameweek 8 · first whistle Friday, October 23 at 3:00 PM ET
Fixture
Home
Away
Snake v Slimey FC
−165
+165
Declan Rice FC v Crème Internazionale C.F.
−403
+403
Saca Cojones v Hound Boys FC 🐶
−140
+140
The Lion King v WhiteCastle United
−126
+126
𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚 v 7-1 FC
+263
−263
Prices as they stood Friday, October 23 at 1:50 PM ET. The desk reprices as team news lands.
The desk’s record this season: 17 of 30 calls right (57%).
All prices courtesy of the desk bookmaker · bets void where prohibited, which is everywhere
The Desk’s Record
✗ Gave The Lion King 55% — wrong.
✓ Gave Declan Rice FC 66%.
✓ Gave Saca Cojones 54%.
✓ Gave 𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚 63%.
✓ Gave 7-1 FC 80%.
Called 4 of 5 this week. 17 of 30 on the season (57%). The desk stands by whatever it said.
Points Left in Reserve
1. Crème Internazionale C.F.17.50
2. 𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚16.50
3. WhiteCastle United14.75
4. Slimey FC14.25
5. Saca Cojones14.00
6. Hound Boys FC 🐶13.50
7. 7-1 FC10.75
8. Declan Rice FC9.50
9. The Lion King7.50
10. Snake5.00
Points scored by players their managers chose to watch from the sofa.
On This Matchweek
2018-19.On this matchweek in 2018-19, Crème Internazionale C.F. beat bux 163.5–144.5. Scoring was plentiful and defensive concern had not yet entered the building.
2023-24.On this matchweek in 2023-24, WhiteCastle United edged 7-1 FC 132–131.75. A quarter-point was enough to turn an excellent score into an archival complaint.
2025-26.On this matchweek in 2025-26, Hound Boys FC 🐶 lost 76.5–75.25 to Saca Cojones. The entire affair now reads like a period of fiscal restraint.
The Weekly Football Folly
“Keep O’Shea beside the fax machine. His desk is only available between transmissions.”
From the Back Pages
Obituaries
GYÖKERES, RELEASED
Gyökeres departed Crème Internazionale C.F. on October 18. Survived by several forwards, repeated waiver activity and the possibility of an awkward reunion. No flowers.
TONALI, WAIVED
Tonali was released by Slimey FC on October 10 and later claimed by WhiteCastle United. His tenure survives principally in the transaction register. Memorial contributions may be sent in midfield depth.
MATETA, BRIEFLY REMEMBERED
Mateta joined WhiteCastle United on October 17 and was dropped the following day. Survived by a remarkably compact administrative history. Services were private due to scheduling.
F.KADIOĞLU, BETWEEN CLUBS
F.Kadıoğlu was dropped by Crème Internazionale C.F. on October 13 and claimed by Saca Cojones three days later. Survived by an 11-point week and one efficient change of address.
BROBBEY, DEPARTED
Brobbey was released by Saca Cojones on October 18. Survived by the waiver wire, several competing forwards and the usual absence of ceremony. No flowers, pending a claim.
The Classifieds
Dalot — DALOT, defender, 20.25 last week. Available immediately. Recent production included; long-term peace of mind sold separately.
Hill — HILL, defender, 17.75 points. One careful owner recently departed. Suitable for managers who enjoy purchasing last week.
Silva — SILVA, defender, 16.25 points. Clean paperwork, no fantasy-team attachment. Enquiries invited before somebody else develops conviction.
Kovačić — KOVAČIĆ, midfielder, 15.5 points. Experienced, available and currently more productive than several people with secure employment.
Smith — SMITH, defender, 14.75 points. Modest name, premium recent return. Ideal for a claim nobody plans to discuss afterward.
Ask the Gaffer
“Gaffer, my team keeps scoring enough to look respectable but not enough to win. Is this bad management, bad luck or a sophisticated long-term plan I have accidentally invented?”
— Confused in the Cheap Seats
The Gaffer: The sophisticated plan is usually identified after the defeats, never before them. The Lion King have scored 728.5 points and still sit 3–4 because they have conceded 775.25; WhiteCastle United rank third in scoring and have lost three straight. Sometimes the lineup is sound and the opponent is simply holding Neto, Wirtz or an unreasonable number of functioning defenders. Improve what you can, document what you cannot, and never describe the result as variance until everyone has left the room.
The Pub Quiz
This week: Which team posted the lowest score by any side this season in Gameweek 7?
This season: Which team beat 7-1 FC 89.5–71.75 in Gameweek 6?
From the archive: Who won the 2019-20 Gameweek 7 meeting between WhiteCastle United and Snake?
Crème Internazionale C.F., with 54.25. · Slimey FC. · Snake, 134–132.75.
Corrections
Correction: The Lion King scored 100.5, not 100; 𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚 scored 129, not 127; Crème Internazionale C.F. scored 54.25, not 55.25; the margin between Hound Boys FC 🐶 and The Lion King was 13.75, not 14.25; the margin between Slimey FC and 𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚 was 37, not 35; the margin between Crème Internazionale C.F. and 7-1 FC was 47.5, not 46.5; Thomas (Crème Internazionale C.F.) scored 3.75, not 4.75; Kudus (The Lion King) scored 15.5, not 15; Rudoni (𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚) scored 11, not 9; Crème Internazionale C.F. have scored 591 this season, not 592; The Lion King have scored 728.5 this season, not 728; 𝐖i𝐫t𝐳C𝐨l𝐚 have scored 589.75 this season, not 587.75; Slimey FC have conceded 770.5 this season, not 768.5; Hound Boys FC 🐶 have conceded 622.75 this season, not 622.25; 7-1 FC have conceded 626.5 this season, not 627.5; the week's widest margin was 7-1 FC over Crème Internazionale C.F. by 47.5, not Saca Cojones over Snake and 7-1 FC over Crème Internazionale C.F. by 46.5.
